Three weeks tomorrow. At 11:56 (very specific I know) I
take the big leap. This has come around fast! It doesn’t seem five minutes that
I was booking it in December and here it is, approaching as fast as the ground
will be on the day.
Not going to lie, I’m scared stiff. Five anxiety dreams so
far. Did I mention I’m afraid of heights? No? Well, yeah I am. Though I guess if
I wasn’t it wouldn’t be too big a challenge. No one can accuse me of not pushing
myself! (might need pushing on the day though).
The photo below is roughly the height of the jump. I
couldn’t look to take that photo, had to stand with my back to the drop and
just aim my phone in the general direction. On the day I’ll be stood on that
ledge! My stomach is tensing up and turning just thinking about it.
I will do it though.
A great reminder as to why I’m doing it happened last
Saturday when this numpty forgot to take her meds.
Saturday morning and the alarm goes off at 6:25 as it was
my plan to do some overtime. Usually, I take my tablets first thing, my routine
is hit the snooze button followed by the tablets, then fall back asleep. Not
quite sure what happened this day but I recall hitting snooze, I then recall
lying there debating whether or not to get up and log on or stay in bed (it was
a lengthy conversation I had with myself). After snooze got hit two more times
(sorry snooze) I got up and went downstairs. Logged on. I logged off half an
hour later as none of the systems were running! Yep should have listened to my
intuition saying “stay in bed”.
I had arranged to meet a friend for lunch at 1, so I got
some jobs done around the flat, packed a bag of books and old clothes to drop
off at the charity shop and headed into town about 11:30 with the aim of
running a few errands. It struck me as I was walking to the bus stop. I haven’t
taken my tablets.
The onset of chronic fatigue is an odd sensation to try and
describe. Try and imagine how a phone feels as the battery percentage goes down
and it knows there isn’t a charger available for a few hours, but it has to
keep its-self going. The energy first started to leave my legs, I got on the
bus telling myself I’ll manage. I’ll make it for lunch then head home straight
away. Na, sat on the bus I felt my legs getting weaker, followed by my arms,
great idea to take a bag full of books to the charity shop Keeley!
To look at me you would have thought I was fine, it was
still the early stages of the fatigue after all, but by now I was also aware I
was zoning out and wouldn’t be able to hold a conversation in and hours’ time.
Stumbling off the bus on auto-pilot the charity shop my destination. The bags
were dropped off, I turned and got back on the same bus to head home, getting a
bemused look off the driver as I crumbled into a seat. It felt like the longest
bus journey ever. By the time I arrived at my stop, it was uncomfortable to walk
and raising my arms was out of the question, so actually getting off the bus
was a challenge in its-self.
A very slow, probably looking a bit like a drunk zombie,
walk back to my flat and I take my tablets. I contemplated cancelling lunch and
just collapsing on the sofa for the day but I knew I should be back to some
form of normal in an hour. So I head back out and onto another bus.
It did take an hour for my arms to come fully back to life,
roughly two for my legs to begin feeling alive again and for me to be fully
focussed. The phone had finally been plugged in.
On a scale of 0-100%, I would say I went down to about 70-75%
that day (I’m usually around 90%) I know from the Thyroid research I’ve done
and reading others experiences some are functioning everyday below that. How
they do it I have no idea. I do know though that it’s no way to live and no one
should have to.
Another thing I’ll be keeping in mind on the day is all the
overwhelming feedback I’ve had. Since I wrote about my experience the love has
been amazing. Just a few of the comments are;
“I just had to fight back tears reading that, you are so
strong to live through it all.”
“You are an inspirational young lady who is brave or
barking mad not quite sure which it is to be doing a bungee jump. I’m very
proud of you. You are AMAZING!!!!”
“OMG gosh I would never have guessed of your silent
condition, girl power to you our kid.”
“It really is something people aren’t aware of, so well
done you on spreading the word and talking about it”
The responses have made me, cry, smile and feel something I
don’t usually, confident. As I said totally overwhelmed, this I honestly wasn’t
expecting so it’s making it all worthwhile.
Well the next time I mention my thyroid on here will be
after I’ve done the leap 😄 Look out for my review of the day, and follow me on
my social media for updates and photos throughout the day.
Oh and I now have one of these! Thought it probably best,
so don’t worry I won’t forget my meds on the day!
